Category Archives: Faith

My 2013

During my years in the BBC, I had a colleague who read palms. Upon reading mine one day, she said “I’m surprised you’re not more confused than you are. Your creative and sensible sides are very conflicting with each other.” She is very right, which made me respect her skill. She didn’t know me very well at the time. And my 2013 has been very much like my colleague described me. It has been an extremely happy and uplifting year, but also a painful one. But let me rewind and do this month by month.

January: I fell onto the subway tracks and I survived! I think that was very miraculous. It’s one of Oslo’s busiest stations, and I fell at a time when there was no train coming. As I couldn’t get up because I had fallen backwards, a man jumped down to lift me up and a girl received me at the top of the tracks. Luckily for me, I was on my way to the doctor and feeling slightly hysterical from the fall, I got there with my two rescuers walking me.

Despite being in quite a lot of pain from the fall, I boarded a plane four days later and went to Monaco. I stayed with some Egyptian friends there on the 25th floor of a block of flats and I had the time of my life. Me and my friend who are both singers, held an impromptu concert in a bar in Monte Carlo that had karaoke, and it went down so well that we were asked to come back the next day.

February: I fell again. But this time I fell in love. That can be more dangerous and painful than falling off a subway platform, but it is more fun, those times when it is not agonizing of course. The man is a bright and good looking Ghanaian student, who like me, work for the student radio station in Oslo.

March: I took the radio presenter’s test, which meant that I put together and presented the hour long news and current affairs show on our radio station by me. I passed and I now have an official paper saying I’m a qualified radio presenter. Live radio presenting is something I’ve grown to love more than I thought I would and I do hope I have my own show some day.

March/April: I also did the longest trip of my life so far. I traveled alone to New Zealand to visit a cousin and then on to Australia to visit a friend. I did so much on these two trips that I wouldn’t do them any justice by summing them up in this post. But let me say that I recommend anyone who can you should go there. I hope to go back one day, but preferably with some company because the flights are long. I slept as much as I could and I made some friends on the plane, for the duration of the journey, but still, company would have been nice. And I’d love to share a trip like that with somebody simply because it’s so incredible to be on the other side of the world. I did get to touch both koalas, kanagroos, wallabies, wombats and a kiwi.

April/May: I went to Iceland with my fellow master students. Iceland is also very amazing and we had so much fun walking on volcanos, soaking in natural baths and going out every evening. Of course, this all happened when we weren’t doing something study related, which was quite fun too. Especially because during our trip to RUV, the Icelandic broadcasters, we were shown around by Iceland’s most famous news Anker.

In May I also hosted a party with my partner for the first time ever. It was a Ghanaian party, meaning we served Ghanaian food. I learned never to mix Amarula and wine again!

June: I went to Skagen with one of my closest allies. Or is it called closest friends? No, ally is cooler I think. Skagen is that place in Denmark where you can walk out on the beach and have one foot in the Baltic Sea and one in the North Sea. I was there as a child, but didn’t remember because I was little. The place is magic and when you have a foot in each ocean, you can literally feel the two meet because they strike against each other

July/August: I wrote a teen novel for my niece for her confirmation. The title Vilde Gudenes utvalgte translates as Vilde, chosen by the gods and is about a girl Vilde who enters into the Greek mythological world to help make right a wrong that has been done and which have caused the world of the gods to die out. Writing it was a strange experience in a good way and I felt as if the story lived its own life and that I was just sent by someone to write it down. Writing in Norwegian was difficult for me however, because English has over time become the language I prefer to express myself in when writing unless we’re talking about informal emails and so on, where it doesn’t matter to me which of the two languages I use. But getting reacquainted with writing my mother tongue was also good.

August: I went back to Skagen with my same close ally who I’d gone with in June as well as my other half. That too was a nice trip and we had better weather. Next time I go to Skagen, I hope to swim in the Baltic Sea.

October: I made my first full length radio documentary. It’s entitled Faith as career, and features three people who have incorporated their faith into their life style or career choices. The first one is a girl studying to become a catechist in the Norwegian Lutheran church, the second a guy from a Pentecostal background who is the leader of the Oslo Youth party of a prominent Christian political party. The third person is a Catholic sister of the Dominican order who is also a physicist and who had and is continuing to have, a profound impression on me. The three made for a very good and dynamic documentary for which I’ve had some good feedback.

I also had a splendid girls trip to Copen Hagen. It was crazy, a little Sex and the City style. And yes, I did spend money on a pair of expensive high heels. Italian high heels.

So a good year. But despite all those good things, I have had some painful times too. I don’t want to talk about them in detail, but they have taught me a few lessons. Firstly, that only sadness can show you what really matters in life. Secondly, that people you thought were not that close to you can be of good help. Thirdly, that pain makes you a better person, because it forces you to develop, think and reflect and it makes your appreciate even small moments of happiness a little more. And finally, despite wanting to delete most of the last three months of 2013 from my life, I am in some twisted way grateful that I have experienced the depth of the pain I’ve been in. Because I am still here, I am still laughing and little by little, I remove myself from it all and show myself how incredibly blessed I am to have what’s even more important during sad times than good friends or a partner. A strong personality, psyche and sense of reality. And that’s how I know; I’ll eventually be completely alright again.

I have had over 20.000 hits on my blog all time which is amazing considering how boring my posts have ben of late. I will try to amend that in 2014 and I may even post some of my short fiction from time to time. Thanks though to those of you who have read my ramblings and thanks for still returning. If you are on twitter, why not follow me at @Linn_M21 And if you enjoy my writing, you can read all the articles I have posted on http://www.styleable.co.uk
That is to say different articles than you find here, but probably some of them are on interest to some of my readers. On Twitter I also announce everything I publish. And should you be curious to see what I look like, you will find my picture both on Twitter and Stylable. I may include one on this site too at some point, though so far, I’ve left it as just a thought.

Happy 2014 to all of you and May the entire year be filled with laughter, good madness, and heart stopping moments of joy and peace and harmony.

Happy new year!

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My 2012 highlights

Another year of blogging is over and frankly, I was quite surprised when I received a report from WordPress by email letting me know how my blog had done. I never received such a report with my earlier blog which no longer exists, nor with this one last year, so I figured that only the blogs that do well, or get more than a certain number of hits received one. The report told me my blog had 6000 views in 2012 from 99 countries. Americans, Brits and Norwegians are my most avid readers. My most read post was, not surprisingly, my Blindness and dating post which I know is linked to from Action for blind people in the UK. I know, it sounds like a shady porn site, but it is a very innocent organization helping the blind, so I will thank my friend Kiesha for linking it and say sorry at the same time for not having written more for her wonderful magazine at http://www.styleable .co.uk

My year started with a break-up. Those who have read my blog since the beginning may recall me mentioning an Italian boyfriend. I didn’t write about the break-up, because I was the one who ended it and I wanted to respect his feelings. But though we may be over, my love and passion for Italy has, if anything increased. I’ve got a few good Italian friends in Oslo so I get to practice the language, and I was back in Florence where my ex comes from to visit friends I made there. I sincerely hope I get to live at least part of my life in Italy in the future.

In February, I started writing a novel. I won’t say too much about it, but I’ve always wanted to be a novelist and I had all the time in the world to make a start. It was hard. Both because writing well is difficult and because I chose to write in Norwegian. I did this both because I hadn’t written anything except e-mails in Norwegian for the past few years and I wanted to get to grips with my mother tongue again. Also, should the novel be released, it has a bigger chance of selling well in Norway since the market is smaller. And if someone wants to publish it and it sells, I will personally translate it to English. I had to put the first draft aside when I started studying, but I read through it a couple of weeks ago and realized it’s not so bad, so I’ve started the editing job which so far, is going well. It probably will take a while for it to be finished because I also have to start writing my master’s thesis soon, but I will do my best to make my book a priority when I have free time.

In June, I participated in a designer project which was a lot of fun. There were four groups of designers who were going to design something new for someone who had a disability. My group didn’t win, but we designed a professional network where designers could get in touch with disable person in order to make their products user friendly. The design bit itself, was in the website and how we laid out the project. The winning idea, was very similar to our own, almost identical, but we didn’t communicate with the other groups, so that was just random. I worked with people from Norway Germany, and England and it was three hectic days with very little sleep and a lot of fun. Later that month, I went to Florence, which was 95% lovely in every way and 5% “Damn, I wish I had a boyfriend here still so I could move here.”

It was in the summer, that I lost my faith. It happened gradually and it took me a long time to confess it even to myself. As my readers know, I spent a few posts ranting about Christianity and how oppressing it was etc. I haven’t really felt the need to do that since then. I am at peace with not yet having quite arrived at what I believe in although I will always keep values like the golden rule. I doubt I’ll ever get into a religion, but that I will be like many Norwegians, with one foot in the human ethics, and the foot of tradition in the church. I could write page up and page down about what my definition of God is, but it’s still something I’m trying to figure out.

In August, after a boring, very boring, July, I was happy to start university. I still think I chose the right course and I miss seeing my classmates every day now that we’re on a Christmas break. I haven’t failed any subjects. I have also not received the grades I want, but I am thinking it has more to do with how I present things rather than my knowledge of the subject, because I have read everything, and been to all the lectures. I will be improving this in 2013 and I will do very well on my thesis, I’ve decided! Becoming a news reader and reporter with the student radio station, has also been a great experience and I hope to do more for them throughout 2013. I also made some good friends there whom I love working with!

In October, I got my new flat. For the first time ever, I love staying in the house. But without all the visitors and dinners I have served and will keep on serving, it wouldn’t be so exciting. Great to live near the underground and the forest at the same time!

Christmas was nice and filled with family and good food. I got many gifts including a rice cooker, a printer, African jewelry and sweets. But the most wonderful thing this Christmas is that I got my wonderful, handsome, intelligent and beloved friend back into my life. Remember the one who said I was on a slippery slope and whom I wrote a long post about because I was so upset? It’s all behind us now and I’m so happy he’s back. All I need to do now is convince him to want to marry me! 

Tonight, I’m having two highschool friends over. I’ll cook a Thai green curry and we’ll drink some nice wine and probably chit chat all night.

I wish all of my readers a happy new year and I thank you for making me want me to continue blogging by reading and commenting. I especially want to thank Michelle because you got me writing that fictional story about Tony and Jenna. It feels like I know you now. Elisabeth for her precise comments and being my real life friend and reader making it possible for me to get a lot of things done that otherwise would be tricky. And to Bruce. And Bruce, if you read this, please reply and tell me where your new site. I have to admit I haven’t read much blogs this autumn and was puzzled to n I couldn’t find it when I wanted my Bruce fix. You have been great in my time of leaving my Evangelical faith.
And to the readers who are silent, or have commented only a few times, you are equally valuable to me, so thanks to you too.

All in all, 2012 has not been a bad year, although it’s been boring at times with little happening. But moving to Norway is something I’m glad I’ve done and I know 2013 will be quite adventure filled. My first adventure is visiting a friend in Monaco in only 16 days. Bring it on! 2013 starts tomorrow, so I guess I’ll be blogging more soon, in 2013!

doubting my faith

In the months since I left the UK for Norway, a lot has changed for me. Especially with regards to my faith and beliefs.

I was more or less a Christian from I was a little girl. Believing in, and praying to God, was as natural to me as breathing.

My parents were not Christians, but I grew up in a foster family as well in which the father, my dad number 2, is a priest in the Lutheran Norwegian Church. However, I was raised with a nice kind of Christianity only focusing on positives, no Hell and I was never really told God and Evolution were really conflicting.

Believing in Jesus and that he died for me was a choice I made myself, though I can’t remember exactly when I did so.

I have always been interested in religion, philosophy, ideas and how different people live. I read about many different ways of life, and in my teens, I had a brief flirtation with some faiths, although I think I always believed in Christianity deep down.

I didn’t become a serious Christian before I lived in Edinburgh where I studied. A friend of mine took me along, a little unwillingly, to a church service one Sunday morning I’d rather sleep in. But this was a cool church. They had a band, the preaching was done using contemporary props such as videos and music, there was dancing during worship and doughnuts afterwards. Oh, and the people were very welcoming. I wanted more and I had discovered Evangelical Pentecostalism.

I kept going back, and soon found myself both speaking in tongues, singing songs I believed came from God and even getting the whole congregation to join me and generally becoming a proper bible basher.

I got baptized and found this rebellious in some way since my father refused to have me and my brother baptised as babies. The church believed I had prophetic gifts which I showed through my singing. I was a great example of a devout and faithful Christian woman.

Moving to London, meant me needing to find a new church, but I didn’t feel at home anywhere because I never felt the same welcoming feeling I’d had in Edinburgh.

A couple of months ago, when I still considered myself a Pentecostal, I wrote a post on faith healing and disability, and being blind, made me a natural target for wannabe healers.

I decided to give up finding a church. I didn’t exactly live a Christian lifestyle then. I dated a couple of guys who were bad for me and had a negative attitude to life. I never lost my faith though and always felt guilty for not being pure and going to church.

But one day, as my life was at a low point with my mother being diagnosed with terminal cancer, the same friend who had introduced me to Pentecostalism, introduced me to some people in London who went to a Pentecostal church with attendees from all over the world.

I didn’t immediately love that church either. Not only was I told I needed healing, but that “the spirit of blindness” was living in me. I was tempted to leave, but I made friends among the people my age who were more accepting of my blindness, because I would get healed one day of course, in God’s time, and that would be a happy day. I also joined the worship team and I was made leader of a bible study group for young women, because the youth leaders had faith in me.

I loved the girls in my group and we had a great time discussing every topic under the sun from guys to Spiritual gifts. As much as I dislike and feel angry with the Pentecostal church today, this is the one good thing I’ve taken away from the experience and which I would change for nothing.

But there was a problem which became increasingly bigger as time went by.

I could not become religious. By that, I mean that I didn’t really believe the bible was the true word of God to be taken literally, that the earth was 6000 years old, that sin was anything other than destructive behaviour which certainly didn’t cover two people living together outside of marriage, or two people in a loving homosexual relationship and that a loving God would send most people to Hell. Because, most people weren’t and aren’t Christians.

I was also angry with God for all the suffering and unfair things in the world and didn’t want to quite accept that this happened because we were all sinners.

But being well indoctrinated by this point, I didn’t dare to question those things too much. I was scared that if I did, I’d lose my faith which would send me to Hell for eternity.

Being an evangelical Pentecostal, means taking everything in the bible literally and so I found myself forcing to agree with stuff I didn’t want to agree with. I was taught all thoughts of doubt came from Satan so I prayed for Jesus to rebuke them.

Leaving London, I wasn’t planning on never finding a church, but it didn’t happen and I could list lots of excuses as to why, though I now suspect I didn’t want to. I did though, take the time to read the bible and the more I read, the more questions I got.

First of all, I questioned original sin. If God knew what was going to happen to Adam and Eve, why would he put them in paradise, create some dangerous trees they would eat from and then throw them out again? And why would their sin have to reflect on all the rest of mankind for all time to come?

What about free will? Certainly if we are told that we have free will, but choose the wrong because only one thing is right, we’re going to suffer eternal punishment, and then is that free will?

In the New Testament, Jesus clearly states that he didn’t come to abolish the law, but fulfil it. However, it would not be fulfilled until his return. Didn’t that mean we’d have to practice all the stuff from the Old Testament? Killing gays, burn adulterers and so on. Not adhering to this meant we were picking and choosing something we humans should not do is the Bible was divine.

And then, the claim by Christianity that being saved only meant having a relationship with Jesus and not a religion, but having a religion after all because the Old Testament was still valid?

This literal way of reading the Bible, is not so common I think in the Lutheran denominations, but I learned to understand and read it as a Pentecostal and so for me, it’s either the case that everything is true, or nothing.

I asked a lot more questions, such as why would God create the sun on the fourth day and why would he rest on the seventh day? And I am still asking and raising questions. But from my Evangelical understanding, I have come to the conclusion that there is so much in the Bible that isn’t divine that none of it can be divine. It’s a beautiful piece of literature with some great stories in it, but many of which are irrelevant today. A divinely inspired book would be just as relevant today and would not need so much human interpretation to be made sense of.

A divine book from a God who loved unconditionally, would also not say that the condition for his love and eternal bliss would be to believe in him/her/it in only one way and it would certainly not be possible to use this book to abuse mankind. Take the crusades, Spanish inquisition, witch burnings and killing of Jews for example.

I do not want to put a label on myself just yet, but I don’t think I can be called a Christian anymore. Perhaps I’m an Atheist, Agnostic, or Deist, but what is more important to me now than what my label will be, is to learn to shift my focus and live without Christianity which no doubt will be a hard process to which there are no quick fixes. God has always been there and now I have to put my trust in myself and the wonderful people around me.

I didn’t leave Christianity because I don’t want moral guidelines. I think they won’t really change because Christian or not, we can all agree that lying, steeling and killing is wrong. Or that drinking in excess or taking drugs lead to no good. I am the same person now as I was before. Only now, I think I’m good enough the way I am. I’m human and I have shortcomings, but so do we all. And now as then, I feel a great responsibility to make my life count for something. Greater now in fact that I’m not sure there is an afterlife.

Someone who is doing right in fear of eternal punishment arguably has lower morals than someone who does right for right’s sake.

I will inevitably lose friends over this, but I will have many left and both they and my two fantastic families will support me whatever I choose to believe as I will support them whatever they choose to believe.

(This post was originally written on June 29 2012, but rewritten and edited on July 12 2012.

Hands on not required. On faith healings and disability.

Today, I’d like to talk about a topic which I am feeling strongly about. Faith healings and healers.

Being a Christian has been mostly a positive experience for me. Through my faith, I have gained an inner strength, joy and peace I did not have when I wasn’t saved. But the bit I find hard when it comes to my faith, is interacting with Christian strangers. I especially hate joining a new church.

Why?

Because often within the first hour of me being in a church, some well meaning, but clueless person walks up to me and offers prayers of healing. “Being disabled was never part of God’s plan”, or “You should pray for the spirit of blindness to leave you in Jesus name!”

I used to get beyond furious when people like that approached me and if I could, I’d get a rude comment in there, or just turn my back on them.

I still get angry, but as I am maturing, I realise that me turning my back on those ignorant people won’t teach them a thing. In stead, I try reasoning with them in the most Jesus like language I can think of such as “Would you give a rich man a million dollars?” or Weeping may endure for the night, but joy comes in the morning” or simply, “I realise eye sight is practical for many reasons, but I don’t understand how, apart from that my life would improve.”

Some get it. Most don’t. And as a result, I only feel comfortable in churches where people pay me no attention, where I have a friend I can escape with after the service or a church where people know and accept me for who I am.

I know many disabled people of any faith share my opinions. Religious people and I don’t call myself religious by the way, are trying so hard to be compassionate that what they actually end up doing is talking to you like you are some kind of inferior being. They try to comfort us with stories of so and so who lives in a remote village in a country on the other side of the world that got healed. I’ve also heard of the blind man in Scotland who got healed and is now a bus driver. Seriously, wouldn’t he do something a bit more high flying than driving a bus if he got his sight back?

I don’t think these stories are true at all. Do I believe faith miracles can happen? Yes I do. But I find it strange that they only happen in remote places and that there’s no news of them otherwise. Wouldn’t someone who suddenly become sighted or hearing be on the news? I certainly would speak quite publicly about it as I simply wouldn’t be able to keep it from the world. I also think they are exaggerated. One woman in the church I used to go to in London, asked me after pointing out that I’d be a more complete human being if I could see that she got healed from sight loss. I asked her how this could be, and it turned out she’d had cataract or glaucoma, can’t remember, and but that whatever she had got removed by surgery and that now she could see again. I heard of a lame that suddenly started walking. But on asking questions, this was a person who learned this with the help of physio.

These can be called miracles or healings in their own right, but it’s not the kind of laying hands on healing these religious people keep talking about. And healing can also be a mental process. For example, there are people who claim to have lost pain in their bodies by having had hands laid on them, but often, these are the results of believing it will work and then, as a result, they feel better after such a healing meeting.

Fake faith healers unfortunately exists. The greatest example of someone like that is Benny Hin who has been exposed in the media for trickery in making people believe they’ve been healed. And those faith healers are clever. They make those who wish for healing write down their prayer request along with their names and financial details on little cards. Then, the Faith healer’s right hand man or woman communicates with them through a walky-talky device giving out people’s names which the healer then communicates in the audience. “Is there a p, Peter J, I feel a name starting with J, Johnson, Jackson?” AT this point, poor Peter Jackson jumps up, goes to the stage and gets a prayer of healing. He really wants to believe that he’s healed of whichever affliction he suffers from. He doesn’t want to disappoint the healer with a bad result and it would also destroy the great shows those kinds of healing meetings are. So he’ll claim that “Yes I am healed” to which the fake healer responds” In the name of Jesus! He has been healed in the name of Jesus! Glory be to God Almighty for an evil demon has left him” or something very similar.

These people are dangerous. Darren Brown once made a programme about fake faith healers where he got a normal man to pose as one. In the program, we heard of people thinking they had been healed from for example cancer and then stopped taking their medication and treatment. They died of course. Darren Brown successfully put up a service for the fake faith healer and at the point the healers normally ask for donations, this man gave a speech warning the audience of fake healers.

I have also been made to feel awful because I refused healing. A pastor at my London church right out told me I wasn’t brave enough to want to see, or had enough faith. If I was meant to be healed, his faith would have been sufficient according to the bible. So I went up and asked for healing, reluctantly and it was awful.

The worst time though, was at my friend’s mother’s wake. After commemorating her life with worship and a sermon, I went up to the pastor to ask for prayers for my own mum who was in the terminal stage of cancer. I wanted to pray for her peace and for no pain. However, on seeing that I was blind, he turned the attention to me. I may have needed prayers in regards to keeping strong through the difficult times, but none for my sight. I left feeling nothing but disrespect for someone who thought a healthy person’s eye sight was more important than a cancer patient’s well being.

Christianity is simple. So simple that many of us, me included fail to grasp the simplicity of it. Love. Simply love. Loving means accepting people for who they are and not try to change them. If you truly love, you won’t go up to that new wheelchair kid in church assuming they want healing. For by being who you are created to be, you fill some sort of roll in the world. I believe in the resurrection, and when that happens, I will no longer be blind. It will be wonderful, but for now, I am who I am. I have found my place in the world and in Christ and through being blind, I have been given a perspective on things which I believe has made me into a better person. I thank God for the blindness just because of this. Not having a certain physical ability, does not mean you’re not a perfectly healthy and strong human being who doesn’t have a lot to give.

So to you lovers of healing, you’ll do a lot more good and cause more healing in a disabled person’s life by including them in the church. Let your first question b if they’d want another doughnut or what they thought of the service rather than asking if they feel incomplete. If a disabled person wants faith healing, they’ll go to the appropriate person. Someone they trust.

My big decission

I haven’t been posting here for a while because I spent some lovely days in Florence, Italy where my fantastic boyfriend comes from. I absolutely love Italy and will probably write about it in later posts, but I would like to share a big decission I made, rather rushed, today.

As you may or may not know, I’m a Norwegian and for 7 years I have been living in the UK. 3 years in Edinburgh and 4 in London. And what a time! I went from being an insecure student, to being saved and baptised in a pentecostal church. I went to London, stopped the church thing and lived a little on the wild side until I got a job in the BBC where I stayed for 3 years. I had to leave because my department went to Salford and I didn’t wanna move. I got back into a wonderful church as well and my faith is stronger than ever.

Ok, so I decided on the freelance thing and it’s still something I’d like to persue, but I’m also realising that I really have nothing here in London. I have a social life and friends, but I don’t have key people I need in my life, like family. Because I do really believe that we all need family. If you’re raised without a family, you’ll naturally do anything you can to make a family around you in one way or another. And although I am a very capable and independent girl, I am blind and I do need people around me I can trust to help me with the few, but crucial things I need help with. I would also like to go back to university, take a masters degree and get a job, perhaps do the freelancing on the side. Whether I’ll stay in Norway forever or join my other half in Italy, only time can tell. There are some lose plans of a Tuscan future, but for the next few years at least, I will live very happily in Norway. And if the future plans don’t work out, I hope he’ll come stay with me. I’ll have family around me, university is free and my chances of getting a job is much bigger when I complete a higher education as very few disabled people with master’s degrees in Norway end up unemployed.

Will it be easy? Probably much more so than moving to the UK back in 2004. It’s after all the place I was born. I speak the language there and I have a network.But I won’t leave London without feeling sad about the fact I’m leaving a couple of very close friends and my church behind. I will also always have a part of Britain with me. After 7 years, you can’t help but being somehow shaped by somewhere you lived.

But I think this is the right decission. I have felt unhappy about living here in London lately and worried about my future. I will hopefully go back around Christmas or new year, so everything will happen quickly. But I’m confident this really is the right thing to do.

My one worry about leaving London, is that my studio recording will have to end. I hope this is not the case and that something can be worked out. Being a Christian, I’ll pray on it and hope the producer doesn’t feel I betray him by going away. It’s just that at present, I need more than a few studio sessions to keep me here.

But, everything sorts itself out for nice girls. Hmmmmm, I’m known to be more naughty than nice though, so need to work on that? 🙂