My own Romance Story

A year and a few months ago, I wrote what has proven to be my most popular post.
Blindness, dating, Romance and how to attract blind people

My reason for writing it, was because upon googling the subjects and finding only guess whats, I thought something proper needed to be written about the subject of blind people and dating. And I am still receiving comments on that post from readers who share their own stories and ask for advice. I think I can safely say that my dating post is responsible for my blog receiving as many hits as it does.
It was the most recent comment on said post, a very nice story from a sighted reader who found love with a blind man that’s inspiring me to write this post. Because I also have a nice story to tell. It’s not remarkable in so many ways, but it does perhaps challenge some thoughts about how blind people fall in love. This experience is very remarkable to me of course, because it’s all about me and I’m learning new things too. I am dedicating this story especially to the blind people who struggle, or have struggled with some of the issues I am describing. I hope it will be encouraging.

I recently left the singles club! I can’t quite believe it myself, because I was waving that singles flag quite proudly. I didn’t really want a man. I had a master to finish after all and no time for relationships. But there were some other underlying issues. My relationship history hasn’t been all that inspiring for me to want to rush into something new. You could almost divide all my previous relationships into three categories.
1. The blind man who lives far away. I have NEVER been a big fan of online dating, but these are men I have met in person and kept in touch with online because we don’t live in the same place. A relationship of sorts developed, but died rather quickly after a few meetings.
2. 2. The blind man who live close by. I believe two blind people can live happily ever after, but after having dated blind men who live far away and blind men who live nearby, I have to say that for me, that seems like a mere impossibility. The problem lies with me and with me entirely. I can’t quite put my finger on what it is, but I think the best way I can put it, is that being with a blind man, no matter how independent he is, gives me a feeling of segregation from mainstream society. This comes out as frustration and irritation and making me not a nice person to be around. Besides, my family has always been vocal about the fact that I “can do better” than ending up with a blind man. And much as I know it’s a horrible thing to say, that way of thinking has rubbed off on me to.
3. 3. The sighted, overprotective man. This man is sighted, but embarrassed about dating me a blind woman. He doesn’t tell his friends about me and ends things before they can really develop. He is also terrified about me cooking, or doing anything around the house. I can’t see for goodness sake, so I might poison him!

My dream has always been to meet a nice sighted man who takes me for who I am, and through just being who he is, makes me feel good about myself. He should also live nearby. Besides, I was envious of the blind women who had managed to get sighted men. I had pretty much given up hope of meeting him. After all, my attitudes were/are perhaps not the best? With those attitudes, I didn’t deserve the kind of man I wanted. And as I mentioned, I wasn’t really looking for anything either. But one day, he came, literally dancing into my life.

It was at a party, it was nearly 2 AM I think. I had lost track of time. I found myself on the dance floor in the arms of a beautiful black man. I had never met him before, so I didn’t know anything about him. But my physical attraction to him was very strong and I could sense it was mutual from the way he handled me… It was the first time I fell for someone without even having heard his voice first. The music was so loud that his “Do you want to dance?” didn’t really give away much of what he sounded like. I could tell he was black from his skin texture and to a certain extent how he moved. I was very taken with his body shape and how he smelled and I just wanted to get to know him based on all that. I just assumed he knew I was blind, that he might have seen me around earlier holding someone else’s arm or something, but I later found out that it had taken him a while to realize. In fact, all that time we danced, he didn’t know. When he did realize it though, he did not mention it, because, as he said later, it wasn’t important.

After finding out that I liked how he looked, I also found out, that I liked the rest. The voice, personality, sense of humour and most importantly, his good attitude.

I am not going to say that I couldn’t have somehow learned to live happily with a blind man. Nor that the fact that my partner can see makes him so attractive to me. But I like to think that God, fate, whatever you believe in, sometimes provides for your needs and though this perhaps is going to sound very sentimental, my newly acquired partner, is the kind of man I need. I feel good and relaxed around him and I forget that one is sighted and one is blind. We do things for each other like any couple and I never get the feeling that I am a burden to him like I have with past sighted men. We are compatible, equally highly educated and want similar things in life and communicate very well with each other, which is the key to every good relationship.

The good things happen when you least expect it, and this is certainly true of how I met my man. For the first time ever in a relationship, I feel great about who I am, have no insecurities or that I constantly have to prove myself. Good start. Don’t you think?

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11 thoughts on “My own Romance Story

  1. I don’t feel for dating a blind man, actually I don’t have the guts and the self-esteem necessary to face what I consider to be date-killers, independently on his (dis)abilities.
    I can’t handle when….
    1. He doesn’t get how much time & effort I put into looking fresh&stylish, and then
    2. I don’t really feel he appreciates the hours and tons of attention spent on looking fresh&stylish.
    3. Or, he gets annoyed with all the time and attention I spend on looking fresh&stylish. “Your heart is beautiful honey.”
    4. Maybe he’s heard somewhere that thin girls with long blond hair is pretty. Well, then I’m screwed when he finds out that I have not-so-long but indeed very stylish hair and never ever will be as thin as Barbie. Barbie has neither curves nor muscles. I have.
    5. No sight. Do I risk becoming a tactile object? “Hands off me bastard!”
    6. Blind men are usually not great at dressing well. On the other hand, that means I look the best. But do I really want to go out and have people think “Why the hell did she settle for him?” or “she’s really good with him, he looks far better than he used to”, which again means: I’m not his date, I’m his assistant!
    7. He’ll dump me if one of his sighted friends, or worse, Pas, says something which is not in my favour when it comes to looks – or worse – service level.
    8. He takes the geekiness to a whole new level, and not necessarily an attractive one. (“Monitor for your PC? Heeey why do you need that?”, “Sunglasses are overrated, I’m sure they are fooling you.)
    9. I’ll NEVER see him in a uniform. Never mind that I never see most sighted men in them either. But with a blind man, the chance is even smaller!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Well, unless it’s carnival time, of course)
    10. For a Damsell (more or less constantly) in Distress, it’s far too impractical. For instance: When it’s raining cats & dogs and I have too much luggage/shopping/etc. who’s gonna bring his car and pick me up? If it was him that was stuck in rainy weather and tons to carry, I KNOW I’d be KILLED if I didn’t.

  2. Hopefully, light doesn’t strike from the blind angle (haha). If so, I’ll have SOME problem getting away with that comment. No?

  3. Linn,

    I am delighted that you met a man with whom you feel so comfortable and that
    your relationship feels so relaxed.
    When reading your posts, I have been impressed with both your honesty and
    your ability to observe human nature. As someone who is recently
    visually impaired, I have wondered what are the differences in dating sighted and
    visually impaired men. I appreciate your honesty in saying that dating a visually
    impaired man would make you feel segregated from mainstream society. I hadn’t
    thought of it that way. In my own life, I find it easier in many ways to spend time
    with friends who are also visually impaired but I suppose that is because I am
    adjusting to living my life in a new way and these friends understand better than my
    sighted family and friends. But dating and relationships are different, much more
    intimate in many ways than friendship.
    And it’s true that we often find what we need when we aren’t actively
    searching for it.

    Best, Michelle
    of it that way.

    1. Hi Michelle,
      Sorry for late response, but I have been travelling a lot lately so just approved stuff and thought I’d get back to it later.
      Thanks for your lovely comment. My man and I are still doing very well and I really couldn’t wish for anyone better. I think you have a point that VI friends understand things sighted friends don’t. That’s why I am glad to have my two sets of friends. But as you also point out, the nature of a relationship is different to that of a friendship. And so I have much less negative feelings, in fact, none at all, with regards to my VI friends. But looking away from VI and none VI, I think that we can befriend many that we could never date. I’d find it impossible to date a mormon, but I could be friends with them. I think when dating and marrying, it’s important to find someone compatible with yourself. It’s of course fine and necessary that you are different in some ways, but compatibility is very important.
      Linn

  4. I greatly appreciate finding this site as I have a blind date (VI) tomorrow and as a sighted woman I am so excited to meet this man. W have shared many conversations, and lots of laughs over the telephone and tomorrow is the face to face. We seem to already like (love) each other. I have dated many sighted men, but for some reason going to meet my new friend is going to be the best thing that has happen to me in some time. He has planned the evening, making a reservation at a restaurant I have wanted to go to for years (very high end). And yes I will have my best face on and look and smell beautiful for him. He deserve it. Secretly I can’t wait to kiss him. I have an open spirit and I have pray for a kind, loving, spiritful, generous, funny and him who loves and respectful me to the fullness. I guess I didn’t tell GOD he had to see (LOL). So stay tune and I hope to report back Saturday evening events.

    Marie

  5. I have a couple questions if you don’t mind. I have known my friend for about fifteen years. He started out as my boss, then About six years ago, after I was no,mover employed by him, we hung out a lot but never, ‘got together’ if you know what I mean. Out to dinner, parties, been to his house to watch tv and chat.
    We have recently reconnected and I am really anxious to go from friends to more.
    But how can I flirt with him? How can I let him know I’m ready for more? With a sighted date, there are visual clues. With him, he has always held onto my shoulder so I could lead him. Last time we were together, he added rubbing my shoulder as I guided him which I took as possibly sign.

    I,should mention that he is a fifty year old virgin, who has never had a girlfriend or a date for that matter due to his lack of self esteem. So I’m dealing with both lack of experience and lack of sight.
    I guess what I need to do is talk? Tell him, hey, you can kiss me if you want. Because I want you to!

    Any suggestions?

    1. Hi,
      I think you are suggesting the perfect thing. Lack of experience is way more challenging than lack of sight, so I’d just be up front with him about how you feel if you sense he’s interested. Also, why not be a little daring, lean in and say “I’m going to kiss you now.” in a playful way if the mood seems to allow for it.
      Good luck!

  6. Hi I’m dating a blind guy and I can see he is very loving and I’m in love with him at first it was difficult but now I learnt to adapt we even go out shopping together it’s just here and there we have problems he is very independent coz he likes ironing his own work uniform I do his cooking and the rest but 1 thing I learnt is a blind person doesn’t want you to feel sorry for them he also likes woman they abuse him by taking his bank card and drawing his money so now I decided to take card and keep it I’m also visiting alot to keep them away. I’m pregnant from him now and we love each other.

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