A year and a few months ago, I wrote what has proven to be my most popular post.
Blindness, dating, Romance and how to attract blind people
My reason for writing it, was because upon googling the subjects and finding only guess whats, I thought something proper needed to be written about the subject of blind people and dating. And I am still receiving comments on that post from readers who share their own stories and ask for advice. I think I can safely say that my dating post is responsible for my blog receiving as many hits as it does.
It was the most recent comment on said post, a very nice story from a sighted reader who found love with a blind man that’s inspiring me to write this post. Because I also have a nice story to tell. It’s not remarkable in so many ways, but it does perhaps challenge some thoughts about how blind people fall in love. This experience is very remarkable to me of course, because it’s all about me and I’m learning new things too. I am dedicating this story especially to the blind people who struggle, or have struggled with some of the issues I am describing. I hope it will be encouraging.
I recently left the singles club! I can’t quite believe it myself, because I was waving that singles flag quite proudly. I didn’t really want a man. I had a master to finish after all and no time for relationships. But there were some other underlying issues. My relationship history hasn’t been all that inspiring for me to want to rush into something new. You could almost divide all my previous relationships into three categories.
1. The blind man who lives far away. I have NEVER been a big fan of online dating, but these are men I have met in person and kept in touch with online because we don’t live in the same place. A relationship of sorts developed, but died rather quickly after a few meetings.
2. 2. The blind man who live close by. I believe two blind people can live happily ever after, but after having dated blind men who live far away and blind men who live nearby, I have to say that for me, that seems like a mere impossibility. The problem lies with me and with me entirely. I can’t quite put my finger on what it is, but I think the best way I can put it, is that being with a blind man, no matter how independent he is, gives me a feeling of segregation from mainstream society. This comes out as frustration and irritation and making me not a nice person to be around. Besides, my family has always been vocal about the fact that I “can do better” than ending up with a blind man. And much as I know it’s a horrible thing to say, that way of thinking has rubbed off on me to.
3. 3. The sighted, overprotective man. This man is sighted, but embarrassed about dating me a blind woman. He doesn’t tell his friends about me and ends things before they can really develop. He is also terrified about me cooking, or doing anything around the house. I can’t see for goodness sake, so I might poison him!
My dream has always been to meet a nice sighted man who takes me for who I am, and through just being who he is, makes me feel good about myself. He should also live nearby. Besides, I was envious of the blind women who had managed to get sighted men. I had pretty much given up hope of meeting him. After all, my attitudes were/are perhaps not the best? With those attitudes, I didn’t deserve the kind of man I wanted. And as I mentioned, I wasn’t really looking for anything either. But one day, he came, literally dancing into my life.
It was at a party, it was nearly 2 AM I think. I had lost track of time. I found myself on the dance floor in the arms of a beautiful black man. I had never met him before, so I didn’t know anything about him. But my physical attraction to him was very strong and I could sense it was mutual from the way he handled me… It was the first time I fell for someone without even having heard his voice first. The music was so loud that his “Do you want to dance?” didn’t really give away much of what he sounded like. I could tell he was black from his skin texture and to a certain extent how he moved. I was very taken with his body shape and how he smelled and I just wanted to get to know him based on all that. I just assumed he knew I was blind, that he might have seen me around earlier holding someone else’s arm or something, but I later found out that it had taken him a while to realize. In fact, all that time we danced, he didn’t know. When he did realize it though, he did not mention it, because, as he said later, it wasn’t important.
After finding out that I liked how he looked, I also found out, that I liked the rest. The voice, personality, sense of humour and most importantly, his good attitude.
I am not going to say that I couldn’t have somehow learned to live happily with a blind man. Nor that the fact that my partner can see makes him so attractive to me. But I like to think that God, fate, whatever you believe in, sometimes provides for your needs and though this perhaps is going to sound very sentimental, my newly acquired partner, is the kind of man I need. I feel good and relaxed around him and I forget that one is sighted and one is blind. We do things for each other like any couple and I never get the feeling that I am a burden to him like I have with past sighted men. We are compatible, equally highly educated and want similar things in life and communicate very well with each other, which is the key to every good relationship.
The good things happen when you least expect it, and this is certainly true of how I met my man. For the first time ever in a relationship, I feel great about who I am, have no insecurities or that I constantly have to prove myself. Good start. Don’t you think?